I recently experienced a breakup of the best relationship that I have ever been in. The circumstances surrounding said break up, initially, did not make any sense to me. I feel I was the best me that I could have been and did everything that I could do. The breakup and the circumstances, reasons, and such have been keeping me awake at night for about a month. The breakup began to make perfect sense after considering that I may have had a karmic debt that needed settling.
I now realize, know, and accept that I have created my own reality in what is my life at this moment. In the grand scheme of things, I am only getting what I deserve.
In the past month or so, I’ve been called many things. These things are not true of me presently, nor have they been in the last few years. But in reaching past that era, I can readily think of at least two people who can validly claim those same things about me, and I would not argue with them one bit. I was wrong, and even though I have explicitly asked for forgiveness from those people and we have no ill will towards one another, my karmic debt to the universe was not settled.
My “bible,” “As a Man Thinketh,” says
A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile and commences to search for the hidden
justice which regulates his life.
In understanding this, I can readily accept and identify with what has been claimed of me as of late. Yes, I have been all of those things. And I am just now having to ante up for my actions years ago. In the last thirty days, I have been more embarrassed, more debased, and required to be more humble than I have ever been in my entire life. And it could not be more fitting.
The universe gave me a glimpse of what I can be and the lofty heights that I can reach, only after further self-reflection and refinement. All I can do is atone for my ways, and move on. I accept the “hidden justice” in my current experience and go on creating a better one.
To those that I have legitimately wronged, please take solace in knowing that I have either already paid for it, am paying for it now, or will pay for it in the future. This is my firm belief. And I pay this debt happily and with love. Settling my energetic debts is a good thing. It’s like paying off a student loan. It’s a lot, and it seems unattainable, but it is possible. Learn from me. Your world is only as good as you make it. Know that the universe is always in balance. You will receive what is just.
tl/dr: I fucked up. Not so much presently, but not too long ago. I was not a good person in my past. It came back to bite me in the present. Do better. Be better. Or it will eventually come back to get you too.