Just a Tiny Grain of Salt

ledastrayAwwwww….Ain’t nothing like black love right? It’s so rare to see a beautiful couple come together in god’s will; promising to love, cherish, and above all submit to one another. Have you seen this video? If you haven’t, click on the picture. It’s great! It’s filled with love. It’s gone viral on social media. Many women have reposted and commented. Aren’t we all looking for this in our lives? We are! Well… you are. Not me.

Christianity? Not for me. Monothicker than a bowl of oatmealgamy? Seriously? Nope…I let that shit go like Elsa on replay. Submission to the will of another human? Ha…you must have confused me with someone else. Would I hit that though?  ———————>

Beside those things, the poem and gesture, are very nice. The video has gone viral because it gives women, black women specifically, hope that there is some dark chocolate, 6 foot something, muscular man out there willing to put up with their bullshi… I mean “walk through the doors to make it to their heart”. It gives women hope that their personal night in shinning armor, that can burn away all of their fears, hopes, and crazy, is out there somewhere looking for them. Unfortunately this is EXACTLY why I have a problem with the video.

HAHAhahahah didn’t see that shit coming did you? Well, welcome to reality  mutha fucka. Let’s start with her crazy eyes. Have you ever met someone that has so much going on with them that their eyes seem transparent? That’s what this woman has going on, on her face. That’s what my ex-wife had going on on her face to. Take it from me people, “crazy eyes” is not something you want to ignore.  Then there is the obvious contradiction of her words. She vowed not to “ever attribute glory to you [the groom] that only belongs to god”. The contradictory idea here is that all glory belongs to god because god makes everything possible, meaning she would never attribute any glory to him. Yet, she glorified him repeatedly in the first 5 minutes or so of the video for continuing to fight through her many “doors”/issues to get to her heart. This, to me, sets his role as her “god”. No Bueno. In her defense though, this can indeed be attributed to him, and good on him for having tenacious, steadfast love. This will also probably be the reason that he leaves her in the next 18 months.

By her own admission, she had yet to deal with the pain she’d experienced in past relationships prior to meeting him. Her words exactly were “after all…I was already in a relationship with pain.” So now they are starting this wonderful, blissful marriage together as he continues to help her deal with her past and tries to grow/evolve past his own issues. Now obviously I am reaching here. I don’t know any more about their relationship than any other viewer/reader. But I DO know the people and the mindsets of the people who have reposted the video on my social media.

My “sticking point” is that generally, people don’t deal with their issues before trying to hitch themselves to someone else. That is a problem. The “knight in shining armor” concept is flawed and that is exactly what this video is selling. No one should have to save you, from you. You should save yourself.  It’s best that we all, to use her analogy, meet partners at the “door of our hearts” to let them in;  as opposed to waiting for them to make it through. Does the groom get a reprieve now that he has “walked through 6 doors” to get her to truly love him? No, he doesn’t. True love is just more work. So given that he has already worked hard to get to this point, does it seem reasonable or fair that he has to continue working? Not in my opinion.

But hey ladies, don’t let me knock your hustle. If you are looking for a man to save you, pull you from the fire, kiss all your boo boos, lay the “pipe” right, and make everything alright, I know a guy*…


*Terms and Conditions Do Apply

There are several idioms that say something to the effect of “Only in loving yourself first, can you truly love another.” I have been in enough relationships to know that this is true. If you don’t believe me, just wait. Life will make a believer out of you. Rectifying your own issues BEFORE entering into any type of relationship is the only way to create a healthy, long lasting relationship. That’s not the message in this video. That’s not what her words give birth to. That’s not what is being sold here. Keep your money people. Don’t buy into this. Deal with your issues on your own [or with professional medical and psychiatric help] and take this video with a grain of salt.

Can someone be perfect before starting a relationship? No, but they can be happy with themselves.


I REALLY want to hear his vows, given the story of their relationship in her vows.


Ugh…doesn’t this video knot your stomach a little? Don’t get me wrong, the poem is dope. But hearing the words “I was already made whole in Christ…” just gives me the willies a little. The idea that the love of an imaginary being has made you whole, made the rough edges of your being smooth, or filled the holes in your life is just a huge red flag for me. Where is the accountability? Blaming “the enemy”/Satan does not address the issues. I feel like using that line of logic will only make whatever relationship issues or issues they have on their own, worse. It makes me a little sad for them. Meh…they say it’s always the fine ones that have more than their market share of crazy. Not my problem.

© Stephen R. Freshley and wordbending, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephen R. Freshley and Word Bending a secret but not so secret blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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