Before yesterday, if someone had asked, I would have told them that there was nothing you could tell me about sex that would surprise me. Maaaaaaaaaannnnnn I have done it all and seen it all. I used to read Karma Sutra books in high school for fun. Had never even seen a vagina face to face to tell you what it looked or smelled like. But I could rattle off 10 positions you’d probably never heard of like it was nothing. By the time I got to college I was studying sexual psychology in my free time. I was so intrigued and amazed by sex that I had proclaimed that I would be a sexologist…that is until I discovered that I would still have to go to medical school. Maaaaaaannn before yesterday there was nothing that you could tell me about sex, that I hadn’t already heard. That was yesterday…
Yesterday I met a woman that could be my wet dream’s wet dream. I have been told a few times by various women that I “exude sex”. I could never understand what they meant by that, until I met this woman. She wasn’t sexual in the sense that her ass was hanging out, or her top was low cut, or anything like that. The truth was quite the opposite actually. She was decked out in almost full cold weather gear; scarf, big coat, high neck shirt, long dark jeans and yet her aura held me in it’s hands like a speck of sand chosen from the entire beach. But that’s not what we are here to talk about. During our conversation this woman told me things I have never heard before. Things that will leave you slack jawed, glassy eyed, and bewildered.
As casually as you would give a stranger the time, this woman told me about someone that she knew, that was into “Figging”. “Wait…did I hear you correctly? Did you say figging” I said. “Yes, figging”. “What is figgi… you know what? Don’t tell me. I am sure the internet will enlighten me”. Thus began the journey down the rabbit hole that we are in now.
Figging, as defined by wikipedia, is the is the practice of inserting a piece of skinned ginger root into the anus or the vagina of a person. Once used as a form of punishment, now a “kink” for those brave enough to endure the pain. You ain’t never ever ever ever ever ever got to wonder about me trying this. This ain’t my style on so many levels.
Of course, with the internet being built the way that it is, researching one thing always leads to something closely associated. That is how I discovered “pegging”. Wikipedia defines pegging as a sexual practice in which a woman performs anal sex on a man by penetrating the man’s anus with a strap-on dildo. Apparently, this kink in particular, is common place. So much so that it was in the movie “Everything Must Go”. Oh you don’t remember? Let me refresh your memory. Remember when Will Farrell was sneaking around the neighborhood and happened upon his co-worker getting hit from the back at oh about 42 minutes into the movie? Yep…pegging.
Honestly, I don’t remember how I came across soaking. I just remember knowing about it one day and telling someone else about it to their amazement. Soaking is the act of a man placing his erect penis inside of woman and laying still. The “laying still” part is the most important part, because the entire act is “not sex”. Soaking is a way of avoiding premarital sex, but still having the sensation of sex. It’s most prominent among the Mormon faith. Even though to the rest of the world, putting a penis inside of a vagina is sex, the Mormons and other idiots believe that sex is not initiated until you thrust back and forth; conveniently forgetting the initial thrust to put the penis in the vagina in the first place. Get it? No? Okay, think of it like this: Have you ever heard a woman say that she is “saving herself for marriage” and is a “virgin”, but admittedly has anal sex regularly? To her, she is still a virgin because her vagina has never been penetrated. The idea of “soaking” is like that, just…in the vagina. Speaking of…
Back to the conversation that I had with that woman. She also brought up “Paddingtons”. I got excited when she brought this up. I said “Oh I know this one! This is the one where people dress up in animal outfits and have sex right?” To which she replied “No, those are called furries”. Paddingtons are a small group of kinksters that have a very specific fetish. They like to dress up in rain outfits, yes like Paddington the bear, splash in muddy puddles, and have sex. No further explanation needed. Side note: I hate to be wet. Not like I hate water, or showering, or swimming. I hate to be wet in a situation where I’d usually be dry. Then adding mud on top of just being wet in general…ugh. Not for me. Now, I would try something like a naked obstacle course race orgy where at the end of the race there is a big mud trough, and everyone is getting it in. Did I just invent a new kink?
Just for shits and giggles, try to guess what this one is. Nope, guess again. Nope, not that either. Naaa unnnhh. Mechanophiliacs are people that get turned on by, and/or like to have sex with machines. Yes, machines. Mechanophilia includes a wide range of specific kinks. Ever seen the classic scene where a woman sits on the back of a motorcyle/ washing machine/ car that vibrates/ etc to sexually pleasure herself? Mechanophilia. From there it goes up to men sticking their penises into the tail pipe of cars, to people having sex with robots. Yep…it gets weird man. Technically, women that use vibrators are mechanophiliacs too but…we are just going to pretend like I didn’t say that.
This is the bonus kink so it’s really 5 +1. I had to include this one because it seems like most women in America are “retifist”, but you probably didn’t know that there was a name for it. Retifist are sexually aroused by shoes. My ex and I were at a department store last year. She couldn’t find a pair of boots on the wall that were on display in the store. I found the boots, she tried them on, and they fit perfectly. They were on sale so the price was perfect for her. I will never forget the look on her face and the way she reacted to trying those boots on for the first time. She proclaimed that she’d had a “shoe-gasm”. We took those boots home and “test drove them”. She climaxed rather easily too. I couldn’t believe it.
So yea that about sums it up for this one. Are you weird-ed out or turned on? Have you heard of anything that’s even stranger? Please, by all means, post a link and explain. Thanks for traveling down the rabbit hole with me.
In the little time this article has been posted, the number one comment that I have heard about it is “This is not all of them, there are way more”. I understand that people. I wasn’t trying to cover ALL of the types of sex/kink. I was just covering 5 little known ones. Hence the title “5 Types of Sex That You Probably Didn’t Know Existed”. However I, never one to disappoint, have tracked down and provided a list of ALL the types of sexual attraction/kinks that currently have a name. Enjoy!
Abasiophilia: love of (or sexual attraction to) people who use leg braces or other orthopaedic appliances
Acousticophilia: sexual arousal from certain sounds
Acrotomophilia: love of (or sexual attraction to) amputees
Agalmatophilia: sexual attraction to statues or mannequins or immobility
Algolagnia: sexual pleasure from pain
Amaurophilia: sexual arousal by a partner whom one is unable to see due to artificial means, such as being blindfolded or having sex in total darkness. (See: sensory deprivation)
Andromimetophilia: love of women dressed as men
Apodysophilia: desire to undress, see also nudism
Apotemnophilia: desire to have (or sexual arousal from having) a healthy appendage (limb, digit, or male genitals) amputated
Aquaphilia: arousal from water and/or in watery environments, including bathtubs or swimming pools
Aretifism: sexual attraction to people who are without footwear, in contrast to retifism
Asphyxiophilia: sexual attraction to asphyxia; also called breath control play; including autoerotic asphyxiation; see medical warnings
Autogynephilia: love of oneself as a woman (also see Blanchard, Bailey, and Lawrence theory for discussion on controversy)
Biastophilia: sexual pleasure from committing rape
Celebriphilia: pathological desire to have sex with a celebrity.
Coprophilia: sexual attraction to (or pleasure from) feces
Crush fetish: sexual arousal from seeing small creatures being crushed by members of the opposite sex, or being crushed oneself
Dacryphilia: sexual pleasure in eliciting tears from others or oneself
Dendrophilia: sexual attraction to trees and other large plants, popularized by the movie “Superstar” with Molly Shannon
Diaper fetishism: sexual arousal from diapers
Emetophilia (a.k.a. vomerophilia): sexual attraction to vomit
Ephebophilia (a.k.a. hebephilia): sexual attraction towards adolescents
Eproctophilia: sexual attraction to flatulence
Exhibitionism: sexual arousal through sexual behavior in view of third parties (also includes the recurrent urge or behavior to expose one’s genitals to an unsuspecting person, known as indecent exposure)
Faunoiphilia: sexual arousal from watching animals mate
Fetishism: is the use of non-sexual or nonliving objects or part of a person’s body to gain sexual excitement. Examples include:
Balloon fetishism — breast fetishism — foot fetishism (podophilia) — fur fetishism — leather fetishism — lipstick fetishism — medical fetishism — panty fetishism — robot fetishism — rubber fetishism — shoe fetishism — smoking fetishism — spandex fetishism — dental braces fetishism — transvestic fetishism (see below)
Frotteurism: sexual arousal from the recurrent urge or behavior of touching or rubbing against a nonconsenting person
Galactophilia: sexual attraction to human milk or lactating women (incorrect term)
Gerontophilia: sexual attraction towards the elderly
Haematophilia: sexual attraction involving blood (either on a sex partner/attractive person or the liquid itself; not to be confused with haemophilia, a genetic disorder of the blood)
Harpaxophilia: sexual arousal from being the victim of a robbery or burglary
Hematolagnia: sexual attraction to blood
Hybristophilia: sexual arousal to people who have committed crimes, in particular cruel or outrageous crimes
Infantilism: sexual pleasure from dressing, acting, or being treated as a baby
Katoptronophilia: sexual arousal from having sex in front of mirrors.
Klismaphilia: sexual pleasure from enemas
Lust murder: sexual arousal through committing murder
Macrophilia: sexual attraction to larger people and large things (including larger body organs such as breasts and genitalia)
Maiesiophilia: sexual attraction to childbirth or pregnant women
Masochism: is the recurrent urge or behavior of wanting to be humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer
Microphilia: sexual attraction to smaller people and things of smaller size
Mysophilia: sexual attraction to soiled, dirty, foul or decaying material
Necrophilia: sexual attraction to corpses
Necrozoophilia: sexual attraction to the corpses or killings of animals (also known as necrobestiality)
Nepiophilia: the same as infantophilia sexual attraction to children between the age of 0 – 3 yrs.
Pedophilia: sexual attraction to prepubescent children (British spelling: paedophilia)
Phalloorchoalgolagnia: sexual arousal by the experiencing of painful stimuli being administered to the male genitals.
Pictophilia: sexual attraction to pictorial pornography/erotic art
Plushophilia: sexual attraction to stuffed toys or people in animal costume, such as theme park characters
Pyrophilia: sexual arousal through watching, setting, hearing/talking/fantasizing about fire
Retifism: sexual arousal from shoes
Sadism: sexual arousal from giving pain
Schediaphilia (aka Toonophilia): love (or sexual arousal) to cartoon characters/situations
Sitophilia: sexual arousal from food
Somnophilia: sexual arousal from sleeping or unconscious people
Spectrophilia: sexual attraction to ghosts
Telephone scatologia: being sexually aroused by making obscene telephone calls
Teratophilia: sexual attraction to deformed or monstrous people
Transformation fetish: sexual arousal from depictions of transformations of people into objects or other beings
Transvestic fetishism: is a sexual attraction towards the clothing of the opposite gender (also known as transvestitism)
Trichophilia: love (or sexual arousal) from hair
Urolagnia: sexual attraction to urine
Vorarephilia: sexual attraction to being eaten by, and/or eating, another person or creature
Voyeurism: sexual arousal through watching others having sex (also includes the recurrent urge or behavior to observe an unsuspecting person who is naked, disrobing or engaging in sexual activities, see peeping tom)
Xenophilia: sexual attraction to foreigners (in science fiction, can also mean sexual attraction to aliens)
Zoophilia: emotional or sexual attraction to animals
Zoosadism: the sexual enjoyment of causing pain and suffering to animals
© Stephen R. Freshley and wordbending, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephen R. Freshley and Word Bending a secret but not so secret blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.