I aspire to to become a great writer and I would like to increase the number of views to this site. The love of my life aka my life coach, Karen, has encouraged me to emulate other sites and their content. “List post” are common among popular websites so I decided to try my hand at it. This is me attempting to attract more viewers:
7 Things that should not exist, but do:
I love the female body like any hetero-sexual man does, maybe even more. But “thrusting ones penis betwixt a woman’s bosom” just does not appeal to me. Not from a lack of trying either. In my “hay day” I participated in the act when my girlfriend at the time suggested it because she was “red flagging”. I came. But I came after 45 minutes of constant instructing, awkward thrusting, and fake moaning performed by my girlfriend. If it had been me sneaking my penis into her while she was sleep barely moving so as not to wake her, while she was bone dry it would have taken 10 minutes tops. Vaginas are just that awesome. In addition, I am over the age of 25. A “nut” is as unpredictable as the twist ending of an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Why would I waste a good hard on on breast when there is a vagina readily available? Better yet, I think a woman would get more enjoyment out of watching a man masturbate than letting him rub his bare ass across her stomach for 30 minutes.
If there were ever anything the world could do with out, it would be racism. Classists are dicks too but at least it is based on facts. “We think we are better than you because we have more money than most other people”. Racism is just stupid. “We think we are better than you because our skin color is different”. That too is a fact, but it bears no implied meaning. American Black people aren’t good at sports because we are black. We were breed like dogs for 400 plus years to produce the biggest, fastest, strongest slaves. Those attributes translate to sports very well. White people do have rhythm and can indeed jump. If you know anything about science, evolution, and the like you have to acknowledge that we are all the same with the exception of the expression of a few chromosomes. Hell, man and monkeys are only one chromosome different. Long story short there is not, never was, and never will be any proof that any race is better than the other.
I am very familiar with the “circle of life” and the concept that each thing in our ecosystem serves a purpose. This realization has been made very apparent by the sudden disappearance of bees across the world due to over harvesting and other things. But bees pollinate flowers, make honey, etc. so they are awesome. I believe roaches, flies, and mosquitoes are just evolutionary bad asses that have over stayed their welcome on this planet. What the fuck do they do besides annoy the fuck out of humans? Off the top of your head name three ways our ecosystem will be directly affected if roaches, flies, and mosquitoes disappeared this second. Nothing. Admittedly I have never researched the supposed “purpose” of these insects but who has really? Fuck them! Ewwwww!
This has to be one of the most retarded schemes that we have ever bought into. Just listen to how a deductible sounds in plain terms :
Okay sir, you are going to pay us X amount of money per month so that you are considered “covered”. Everyone else who has insurance with us pays an amount also depending on their amount of coverage. We are sharing the risk and investing in a “community savings account” so that if anything ever happens you can come to that “community savings account” and withdraw money to reasonably replace the thing that is insured. However, in the event that something does happen you will need to pay us money, called a deductible, to get money from the “community savings account” even though you already pay into it monthly.
I am most upset about health insurance, car insurance, and mobile phone insurance deductibles. For the most part they are worthless. If I had the room in my budget to pull $200 out of no where to replace a $600 phone that I never paid $600 for, then I would not need insurance. If I had $200 free and available then I probably would be able to pull an additional $400 out of no where too. Over the last year or so I made the mistake of choosing a “high deductible” health insurance plan with my employer. I made this choice out of ignorance, as in not knowing any better. I went to the doctor for a routine check-up and received an an almost $200 bill the following month. I called my insurance provider to get a better understanding of what the hell was going on only to discover that I had a $3000 deductible that I had to meet before they would pay for anything. Again, what the fuck?!?! If I had $3000 just laying around then I probably would not need insurance in the first place. I also learned that high deductible insurance policies usually go hand and hand with a Health Savings Account, which I did not have and knew nothing about. I changed that shit and I can not wait until Jan 1, 2014 when my new health insurance kicks in. I pay NOTHING for NOTHING dammit. The other crazy part is that for my company at least the insurance premium is way less. I am currently paying over $200 a month. The one I switched to is going to be $14 a month plus a dependent. At the end of the day all insurance companies can suck it.
In no way, shape, form or fashion does this shit make sense. Again let’s put this in plain terms:
Hey sir, thank you for buying this ticket to and from destination X. We acknowledge the fact that we do not live in a society where walking around naked is acceptable [with the exception of a trip to Hedonism but even that is all inclusive] so you will definitely need clothes when you get to your destination. That being said, in addition to your ticket cost we are going to charge you for each bag of clothes and essential items that you need to carry with you unless you can limit what you bring to an unreasonably small bag that fits nothing unless you learn the ancient art of origami and fold all the things you want and need on your trip up to fit into said unreasonably sized bag.
Please correct me if I am wrong but from what I remember, about 10 years ago some struggling airline decided to start charging it’s passengers for bringing second and third bags to discourage “over packers” so that the planes could fly lighter and use less fuel. It worked, the airline saved X amount of money per flight helping them get back into the black and generate profit in the following financial quarters. Then some kind of way this de-evolved into every airline charging for every bag, for every flight. WHAT. THE. FUCK. If it’s that serious just build the damn cost for two bags into the original ticket price and be done with it. I’d rather know upfront that I am being shat on and be told that I am being shat on than to be shat on and told that it’s snow. Airline baggage fees are just not fair. End of story.
The Electoral College came into the lime light in 2000 when Bush Jr. “stole” the election. Most news broadcast reported that Fmr. Vice President Al Gore won the election because the “popular vote”, which I call the pretend vote”, said so. However, the electoral college voted otherwise and we got another 8 years of shit being fucked up. Prior to this, the electoral college might as well have been a secret society. There really is no point in voting on non-local elections. The votes literally do not count for anything. So the question is, why in the fuck do we the American people still participate in this meaningless ritual? If the people of the electoral college secretly get together and decide to write in a name of some random person eligible for presidential election, let’s say me when I meet the age requirement, I will be President of the United States of America. Without campaigning, experience, or even knowing. Totally against the “Will of the people”. But that is the process. I think Key & Peele did a good job of explaining the electoral college in this clip.
Wisdom teeth are classified as “vestigial third molars”, meaning leftover from evolution and now useless other than helping dentist make millions of dollars a year from removing them. It is theorized that the human jaw was once larger and could easily accommodate the third molar but thanks to the lack of needing to chomp up foliage in it’s raw form and evolution, the smaller jawed Homo Sapien Sapien came to be. There is literally no point in having wisdom teeth. Often times, as I experienced, they grow in wrong and fuck your life up. Our mouth is totally fine without them. But “God” in his almighty wisdom decided that we should endure their existence anyway. I’m surprised the Bible doesn’t have a story for this one.
In closing, if all of these things just went away tomorrow I would be so happy. Is there something that you think should be added to the list? Please comment and share your thoughts.
© Stephen R. Freshley and wordbending, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephen R. Freshley and Word Bending a secret but not so secret blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.