Not Rape

black-couple-in-bed-spark1ne-com-378x338They were once an item. But now they are just friends. He wanted to see her and she didn’t mind his presence being that they are friends and all. Several movies watch them and now another plays in the backdrop as the visit comes to a natural “exiting point” but he has not budged. She states the obvious and he gathers his things to leave. She walks him to the door and reaches across him to open it in a friendly gesture. He closes the door, turns and kisses her deeply as a last chance effort. He knows that she still wants him. All she needs is a little reminder of what they once had. He holds her tightly and begins to walk her backwards from the door as the kiss lingers. She no longer fights it. They make their way to the bedroom and it happens.

Is this rape? It may sound like an excerpt from a novel but situations like this happen all the time. Yes…it is rape. Instead of fighting a man much stronger and bigger then her, someone close to me gave in to a man that she did not want to sleep with. He left with no problems after the encounter. It’s not the first time that someone close to me has revealed this scenario. I have actually heard it first hand from some of my frat brothers, and even saved a few woman from it at parties and such. Each time I hear about it or see it, it is just as sad. I want to yell. I want to personally torture and chop the balls off of these guys. Being the father of an almost 5 year old little girl I hope that she never has to experience anything like this. But the sad reality is that she probably will.

The woman’s side of the story is always the same. “I just wanted him to leave…this was easier”, or “He was just so desperate, and begging so I just did it.”. No means no. No matter how much he lingers, or how desperate we men may be. The problem with “not rape” is that the man always leaves feeling that he “changed her mind”, or thinking that she really wanted it. Sadly, he will do it to another woman because he doesn’t see it as wrong.

I am writing this post to address the issue. We as a human race need to raise the awareness on “not rape”. Women, fight back!!! You are worth more than the incessant pleading and instance of some horny man. Even if he is an ex. Even if you called him over to have sex but changed your mind. No means no! People call me crazy because my preference is for women that I am dealing with sexually to initiate sex.  I have probably missed out on a lot of good sex because of it, but I have traded it for peace of mind. The line between consensual and rape is so thin. As men we often try every trick we have in the book, because we are hunters by nature. A lot of our “tricks” fall into the grey area of consent. The truth is that there isn’t a grey area. Either it’s consensual or she gave in because of fear in some form or fashion. Getting a woman drunk and taking advantage of her is rape if she told you no before she began drinking. A woman that you picked up for a date and is relying on you to take back home is in no position to say no, if she wants to leave but you wont take her back home without sex then that’s rape. There are many more similar scenarios that I have heard of but I can’t name them all. That is where you, the reader, comes in. If you don’t mind sharing please tell your story or one that you have heard of, of “not rape” to help raise awareness and empower woman mentally against this tragedy.

Fellas, if you have to ask yourself about it or if you have to be pushy then it is probably rape. There is no such thing as “talking her into it”, or “getting her in the mood”. She either wants you or she doesn’t. I know we live in a society where it is customary for the man to “be a man”. Woman want men to “take charge” and “be aggressive”. But that line…that line is so small. It is very easy to crossover. A lot of times we have the upper hand and don’t realize it. Having a woman in a place of disadvantage makes it even easier for a situation to turn into rape.

Bottom line:

If there is a question, then don’t question it.


Now on the other hand I have also heard of false rape accusations. I would be remiss if I didn’t address it also. Most often the scenario I have seen play out on the other end of the spectrum is regret. Ladies, if you regret having consensual sex, that does not make it rape. I had a joke to go there  but I don’t want to make light of any of this. There is no other way to put it.


© Stephen R. Freshley and wordbending, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of thismaterial without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephen R. Freshley and Word Bending a secret but not so secret blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

2 thoughts on “Not Rape

  1. Hey Stephen,

    The article is cool brother, and I understand your position as a father. Most of my family is made up of woman, and growing up they taught me the value of a woman and how to take care of them. As a man though, I see a very thin line between what true rape is, and a decision a woman has made based on their regrets at the time. Not only that, the consequences of the woman going back and telling their friends “he raped me”, adds fuel to the fire. I see where you are coming from when you explained the forcing of the kiss was a deliberate intention and is categorized as rape, but when there is no response from the woman and she allows it to follow up with sex, is that rape? Especially if the guy has been friends with her for a while and they have a tight relationship. Overall, I feel that this type of situation should be explained to our sons and daughters the correct way so there won’t be any grey lines. I’ve too often seen woman say oh he did this to me, or that to me, when the woman was the aggressor. Lastly, ladies if you truly feel the man was out to harm you or hurt you in anyway you have all right to do what’s needed, but if you feel the man had no interest in hurting you, or forcing you to do anything, be a woman and talk to that man. Tell that man, he hurt you and that it was wrong. The reason I say this is because many men age18 and up (college) are not aware of the actual boundary lines because they were never taught them. This goes for woman as well. Many woman have never been taught what Rape is truly defined as. Love the story, keep writing, and I’ll keep supporting you.



  2. The truth of the matter is its true. It’s happened to several people. Men give each other accolades because of changing a woman’s mind to have sex. People should be made aware of this!


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