I am not the one…

middlefinngerRecently, for whatever reason people around me have been really loose at the lips. By that I mean they have been saying whatever they want to say to me however they want to say it. Which is actually how I prefer it. But what the people around me don’t seem to understand is that I will give it back to you however you give it. I do prefer people to feel comfortable enough with me to tell me anything, but presentation is everything.

From a very young age I have been analyzing myself over and over trying to figure out the best way to be me. At the age of 28 I still have not figured that out. I’m either being stepped on, or I don’t “play well with others”. There seems to be no in between for me and it’s disheartening. It truly makes me sad that my personality is so polarizing. People either love my dirty drawls or hate me guts. Within the past two weeks I have had a number of confrontations at work and with my family. Today I will address the last flair up I had at work.

A co-worker that I trained with felt like she needed to correct me on the execution, or a lack there of, of a process. However, it is well known around the office that this particular process is failing due to the work ethic of the people who are supposed to handle it. By the time I come into play in this process I am about as low as it can go in it’s execution so there is no reason whatsoever that she should have come to me about my part. My reflective thoughts on she and I’s confrontation is that she just wanted something to say to somebody and today was my day. Mind you, I was having an entirely different conversation with a new hire, and my back was turned to her when she interrupted to give me her two cents. I will spare you the lengthy details of our back and fourth. But know, that I was not rude. Because of her wording and approach she left angry. The other issue in this situation is that she thinks way too highly of herself. She just knew that I would bow before her awe inspiring intellect and beg for forgiveness for not doing things the way she wanted me to. Of course that shit didn’t happen. If I didn’t have a lovely almost five year old little girl to look after she would have caught my intellectual wrath in the face like an 18 year old Japanese girl in a bukkake video.  Here is the follow up nasty-gram that I was going to send her but thought better not to:

In Reference to Our Conversation

There are two types of people in this world. There are leaders and there are followers. Followers blindly do what they are told without asking questions or full understanding of why they are doing what they are doing. These people are a vital because understanding is not always necessary to complete a task efficiently. There are also leaders. Leaders take the time to know the reasoning and purpose for things so that they can help push forward “processes and polices”. 

 If I were a higher level manager, I think I would rather have someone on my team willing to recognize, bring attention to, and take action on break downs in policy and procedure rather than someone that would blindly continue forward. But I am not a higher level manager, and neither are you.

 If you have been paying attention, you would note that the “written procedure” at XXXXXXX has not been able to keep up with the “operational procedure” because of the ever changing environment. I understand that you came to me with good intentions but you had to know that starting your statement off with “I’m not checking me, I’m checking you” was going to end badly. I have never professed to “know everything” as you stated about me and I actually resent that. But I will tell anyone that “I know what I know. When I know I don’t know, I know to ask. When I don’t know that I don’t know, there is nothing I can do about it…”. To make a long story short, in the future please leave the critiquing and criticizing of my work/work habits up to the people who are paid to do so. Namely, XXXXXXXX.  Also, when clarifying with your manager about the correct interpretation of policy and procedure please leave my name out of the discussion. Otherwise I will consider your scrutiny as harassment via personal bias and discrimination.

 Because it seems you have turned an especially scrutinizing eye towards me in the past couple of weeks beginning with a discussion about timers, then again when you misinterpreted me coming in on my off days to help my team at 11p as me showing for shift an hour late, and ending with today’s discussion about communication logs, all discussions that you have initiated with me, I feel it is best that we minimize conversation between us to “hello”, “goodbye” and variations thereof. 

 In the future I humbly request for you to thoroughly investigate your findings, check them against other members of the team, and take your concerns to your immediate manager, since it seems that you cannot handle counter points to your unsolicited “constructive criticism” and would rather I accept it as gospel without question. If your manager feels that there is an issue to be addressed, he or she will address it with my manager who will in turn address it with me. That is what they are there for, and that is what is printed as current procedure. 

So yea, that’s it. Just wanted to share this with someone since she will probably never read it. If this would have happened a few years ago, she would have got this speech from my mouth, and then again in e-mail with both her manager and mine CC’d to make sure that she understood. I am trying to be a better person. But the people around me refuse to do right by me. So I have resolved that it would be in my best interest to enter reclusion, at least at the work place. Since it seems no one there can even handle slithers of my true personality. Peace be unto you reader.

© Stephen R. Freshley and wordbending, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of thismaterial without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephen R. Freshley and Word Bending a secret but not so secret blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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