“Phone by the Toilet” Rich

toilet phoneFor those of you that do not know, I work for a telephone company.  I am what is refereed to as a “wire line tech”, which means I wire, rewire, build and maintain phone lines and services that the phone company offers. I have only been doing this job for about 7 months. In my short experience I have had the unfortunate opportunity to work in “the 1%’s” houses. Let me be flat out honest about it, I hate it. They always have some first world problem that is the end of the world to them. While I am stuck with having to make a decision on whether I want to put gas in my car or food in my stomach, they are having mental break downs about one of their cable boxes not working on only one of the twenty 60″ televisions they have mounted to the wall every 5 steps. My first encounter with a customer with a “first world problem” was in my second month of work. I went out to a house, excuse me mansion, to install a new phone line. When I arrived I discovered that the customer didn’t really want a new phone line, they just wanted the phone jack in their bathroom fixed. This was the first time ever in my life that I’d seen a wired phone…mounted within arms reach of a toilet. It blew my mind, and upset me all in the same moment.  “Well, why were you upset”, I’m glad you asked. I was upset because the customer had a cordless phone, with multiple bases, less than 10 feet. away in their bedroom. All I could think was, “how retarded do you have to be to not know that you can take a cordless phone to the bathroom”. But that’s when I realized that it wasn’t the customers lack of cognitive reasoning skills that drove them to call their telephone provider to fix a phone jack in their bathroom, it was greed. Why else would someone living in a mansion want a phone jack fixed in their bathroom? Needless to say I refused to fix it. Let me take that back…I refused to fix it in my mind. In reality I pretended to make an attempt to fix it, then I told them that the line itself was bad and that they would need a contractor to run a new one.

Ever since that first “phone by the toilet” experience, I have seen many more than I ever want to see in my life. I am sickened to my stomach whenever I see one. My eye begins to twitch with anger just thinking about it. Ugh…I have said all of this to inform you that I recently learned that this ungodly form of stupidity is a status symbol. People actually ask home builders to wire a phone jack in their bathrooms, not so they can actually use the phone, but to let everyone else in the world know they have more money then they know what to do with. As if the half a block sized mansion did not already tell the story. I discovered this fact from watching the show “Modern Family”. One of the characters described someone as “phone by the toilet rich”. I was watching the show with my girlfriend when the character said it, I jumped up from the couch and paused the show [I watch online, I don’t believe in paying for television]. She gave me the “what the hell is wrong with you” look and I explained to her how I had encountered that very thing at work on several occasions. Up until then I just thought it was some weird thing that I would see every now and again. So that’s it. “Phone by the toilet rich”.

Thank You ‘Merica for you special brand of stupidity and wastefulness.


Broke, angry and black.


© Stephen R. Freshley and wordbending, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this
material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephen R. Freshley and Word Bending a secret but not so secret blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

3 thoughts on ““Phone by the Toilet” Rich

  1. Thoroughly enjoyed this post! I’ve long abhorred the ostentatiousness of Americans! It’s like we are taught from a very early age to dismiss genuine happiness in favor of excess. Not to mention such displays of conspicuous consumption in light of all the problems we have hear in America, let alone a globe where half of the human inhabitants have little-to-no access to adequate healthcare or nutrition, only manage to provoke contempt in those less fortunate to be born into means.

    Again, awesome post!


  2. My parents have a phone and a TV in their bathroom next to the toilet. I don’t know why exactly, but I don’t think it makes them greedy or selfish? At all… In fact, they’re very good people. I think that people who make fun of “rich people” are usually broke as a joke and miserable with their own lives. I mean the writer of this post doesn’t believe in paying for television?! You would prefer to sit on your bed and watch tv on a tiny computer screen? What do you do when you have 7 friends over? All huddle around the screen? Just like you think it’s stupid to have a phone by the toilet, I think that watching tv on a computer is stupid.


    1. You are on the money. Pun intended as you are the seed of the people I described in this article. I am broke.


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