The He(art) of $winging

For those of you that follow me faithfully, you know that I am a swinger. I was introduced to the “lifestyle” by a woman called “Betty Bop” in North Carolina about 2 years ago. I found my niche and make my contribution  to the lifestyle as a bartender. I offer my services for free.  In the world of Swinging I am a baby, a newbie. But in the small time that I have been swinging I have watched the “lifestyle” crumble upon itself. What we are left with now is “Stylin”, and I want no parts of that. Swinging has been monetized. It’s no longer a “lifestyle”, its a market. And the values that lifestylers once held near and dear are now being sold to anyone with enough money to pay their membership fees and dues. I was told of a time where the fees were just enough to cover the location and toiletries. It seems now that it is all about profit. Profit is not swinging, that “stylin”. I will now break this down in a way that it will forever be broken.

The History of and my introduction to Swinging

It is my understanding that modern day Swinging has it’s origins in “Key Parties”. People with like minds and aspirations would come together, socialize, and have a good time. Upon entry into said gathering people would drop their car keys into a fish bowl. At the end of the night, the woman of the party would randomly choose a set of keys out of the bowl and whatever male or female that those keys belonged to would take that woman home. There was no choosing, there was no bias, there was just open mindedness and exploration. I wasn’t there, but I am told that “those were the days” I am told that those people enjoyed themselves thoroughly. A time I was present for was college, my true introduction into swinging. In college there was no name for it. It was just a good time. I fondly remember being a young Que Dog running the quad and chasing women. But there was something different. Every so often the “big brothers” would arrange a secret gathering with other sororities, and female organizations on campus. At these gatherings the women were in power, all we had to do was be present. After a few drinks and socializing, the “Big Sisters” would choose from the males who they liked and go to a room. That was that. We kept each others secrets.We fulfilled each others desires. Again, there was no admission, there was no strict bias. Just open mindedness, exploration, and raw lust. I remember at the time thinking that it was scandalous because we all had significant others that were not present. By the time the Frat had been passed down to me the practice had been discontinued for many of the same reasons that Swinging is crumbling upon itself. Disrespect, Disloyalty, and things of the like. We did however serve the campus. There were woman on campus that yearned to have a “Que Dog Experience”. Every so often, after a number of request we would gather those woman together and fulfill their desires. At the time I was not privy to swinging. I just thought of it all as a good time.

I was formally introduced to the lifestyle as I served in the military at Pope Air Force base/Ft. Bragg, North Carolina. My first party was very weird for me. I couldn’t wrap my mind around adults coming together just to get it in. I left the party prematurely and went home feeling dirty. But eventually I came to understand a new openness about it all and I was hooked.  The bulk of my experience came from house parties. There was a local swingers club, but they didn’t charge a fraction of what I have seen in Atlanta, Ga. The groups in North Carolina were very closely knitted. Outsiders were vetted, and introduced sparingly. Those causing a disruption in the groups were outed without question. It was a family.

Everything aforementioned is what I have come to understand as the heart of swinging.

The De-Evolution of Swinging

I guess at some point between the advent of Swinging and now, a few “smart” people have realized that they could make a profit from the life style. I think of these people like I think of Pastor’s of Mega churches. What good is it to profit from a belief system if you corrupt it in the process? I once attended a party where it was almost a full on sausage fest. The door fee was $40 plus a bottle, which is steep for a house party, and free for woman. Even with the price point set as high as it was, it was still mostly men.This happened because the host and location were popular, but there was no communion. Swinging has lost it’s soul. It’s being sold to the highest bidder. I can not believe what I have seen as the price point for the clubs and house parties in Atlanta. stylinThis is all profit. I promise with all the whining, complaining, and so on that goes on about disrespect that a repeat offender can and will be admitted if he or she offered up enough money. I understand that the price point for single men is set as such to help ensure an even ratio, but still $60-$100? C’mon son. A much better way of controlling the ratio would be to actively control the door. It’s that simple. Dance clubs do it all the time.

privateYou can’t make me believe that we as life stylers are actively being discreet with group pages pushing 3000 members. What is the real point here? It would seem that advertisement is the real drive.

The last party I attended almost disgusted me. This party was totally free and yet here was so much judgement. Some woman wouldn’t even entertain conversation. What is that about? I drummed up conversation about the situation and the lifestyle. It was then that I was corrected by other party goers and notified that I had attended a “Stylin” party. It was just that too. Woman flocked to the men that appeared to have the most money. The men chose the women that looked the best, and everyone else fell by the way side. Is this what we have come to? Where is the communion?


I know I jumped around a little bit in making my points, which is unusual for me, but the over all point that I was trying to make is that we as swingers can make a change. The next time you attend a club or gathering, take in your surroundings. Watch the interactions and listen to the conversations. Ask yourself “Am I ‘stylin’ or swinging?” How do you contribute to the life style? In my eyes membership fees and user fees don’t count as a contribution because anyone can do that, but that’s just me. Maybe as a society we want to be “stylers”. If that is true then I guess I’m out…

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