How to Get Laid on the First Date

It seems that we have forgotten the finer points of dating, due to the advent of technology. It can be said that the dating scene has changed tremendously. The attitudes have changed.  Women’s standards are at an all time unrealistic high. Men’s standards are non-existent. Woman are looking for booty calls just as much as men are now. Booty calls have been made easier than ever by internet dating sites, giving users access to thousands of potential partner’s profiles within the local area; allowing users to sift through and pick what they like without ever having to leave their house. Common courtesy and chivalry have been replaced by statements like “Are you DTF?”. In these times it’s hard to know what to expect when going on a date. We have moved so far from the art form that dating used to be.

Dating used to require primping and preparation. We used to put our best foot forward as if it were a job interview [Metaphorically speaking it is. You are interviewing for the position of “Boo Thang” with the opportunity for promotion]. Now we just go “as is” and hope that the date accepts you. Because dating [in its true form] has become such a rarity, it is now the key to getting whatever you want from your date. And what do we all want? Options! Since the end game has mostly become getting laid on the first date, we will make that our goal. Flawlessly executing a first date “wows” the partner knocks them off their feet so to speak, and you can use this “wow factor” to take the date in whatever direction you choose [which for us is in the direction of the bedroom]. Here is how:

The Art form of Dating


To me, preparation is the most important part of a first date, especially when the goal is to get laid that night. Now, in some instances getting laid is not your goal. Regardless of the goal, you must prepare for as many outcomes as possible. Are you going to say no if she invites herself back your place, or ask you to follow her to hers? I thought not. Preparation entails consideration of all controllable factors. The controllable factors are:

  • Appearance
  • Location/Activity
  • Demeanor

Let’s explore the controllable factors in detail.


It is in your best interest to appear casual. Casual is the key. Casual is versatile. Casual is classic. Appearing casual is easy and does not present pressure. Designer clothes, gaudy style, and dressing according to the latest fad is risky and can easily send the wrong message. Your smell is also a part of your appearance. Too much is gagging and repulsive. Nothing is bland and boring. I have found that oils or light scents do the trick best. One spray for each appendage ensures the spread of the smell. What I do is place a small dab of scented oil behind each ear, a small dab on each side of my neck, a small dab on each wrist and a dab below my navel [just in case…].

A lot of times we forget about our cars. Make sure your car is clean and smells nice in the event that you have to pick up your date or that she may want to ride with you after the date. If she is picking you up then you have already failed.

Lastly, make sure your place is clean. The key to getting some is clean toilets and showers. If a woman feels like she can sit down on your toilet and shower in your tub then she is automatically comfortable. Have you ever noticed that the first place a woman goes after coming into a man’s house is the bathroom? If you didn’t know now you know. Also, leave some things out like books or magazines. These things introduce your interest without being spoken. Leave some things out of place too. Remember the key is to look like you did not plan for her to come back to your place, but to also give the impression that you are a clean person. I usually take a plate and a glass from the cabinet and put it in the sink with a little water on it. I also leave working papers on my desk and a jacket on the armrest of my couch. This allows me to say something like “sorry it’s a little messy, I wasn’t planning on having company…”. Have amenities available. I always have water, wine, juice, vodka and snacks.


Pick a place where interaction can easily take place. Dinner and a movie is a NO NO! Why? Because movies are long and require silence. If you talk during movies then I hate you, and I hope you go blind [just kidding, but that shit is really annoying. Even though you think no one can hear you, we can hear you]. Then to follow a movie with dinner is bad. More sitting. First dates are supposed to be fun. Plan for something active like bowling, skating or visiting an arcade. It allows for movement and encourages smiles. Smiles are what you want from a date. Activity builds up an appetite, which means your date will actually be hungry when you got out to eat. When women are actually hungry they eat, instead of doing that “I’m just going to have a salad” move. When women really eat they have to let down their guard down a little, which forces them to become more comfortable with you. In addition, when someone is hungry and they eat, they are now satisfied. Meaning, when your date eats to satisfy a hunger they have unconsciously associated you with satisfaction. Unconsciously associating you with satisfaction carries over later in the date when she is deciding whether or not to give you some.

When choosing a restaurant, pick something in the middle price range. If you pick an expensive restaurant instead you will give the impression that you are trying too hard and create expectations. If you can’t take her to that expensive place on a regular basis then definitely don’t do it on the first date. Expensive restaurants also make a date feel pressured and uncomfortable. When women make their meal choices they consider the outcome. She knows if she orders steak and lobster you are going to want something in return. If you pick a cheap place then you have given the impression that you are cheap or that you think your date is cheap and easily pleased. Think casual like Applebee’s, Ruby Tuesday’s, P. F. Chang’s etc.


Again, casual is the key. You don’t want to seem over anxious or excited to be on a date. Neither do you want to seem unexcited or disinterested? There is a happy median…and it’s called casual. If your goal is getting laid, then make that the last thing that you think about. If your goal is to make an exceptional impression, also make that the last thing you think about. I can’t say it enough, be casual. The ultimate goal is to be like water, fluid and clear. If your date feels that she can tell what you are up to then she will treat you as such. Be up to nothing. That way when she decides to give you some at the end of the night, you can act surprised. Also, have enough money PERIOD. If you are going dutch you have already failed. Make a rough estimate of your date budget…then double it. Make room for spontaneity or changes. If you don’t have that amount then call off the date. Why? Because your face or body language is going to show it if she orders from the far right side of the menu, or ask to do something else that you hadn’t planned. Instant mood killer.


If you have properly prepared then execution is easy. Be on time. I don’t know where this “fashionably late” nonsense originated but it’s some bull shit. Men are not allowed to be late. If your date has to wait on you then you have already failed. Understand that when you arrive she will not be ready. It’s what women do. Don’t be early either. If you arrive earlier than expected then wait until the agreed meeting time. If she is ready before the agreed meeting time then I guarantee on everything that I love, she will let you know. Don’t reveal your plans for the date. Make it all a surprise. This allows for you to call an audible if necessary without your date knowing the difference. If she says something like “Well I have to know where we are going so that I can dress appropriately”, tell her “dress casually…” LOL. This also allows for spontaneity. If your date is really enjoying herself she will say something like “So…what’s next?”. If you have already done all you planned to do then you can make up something at this point.

During your interactions do not dominate the conversation. The key here is to give the appearance of conversation without actually talking. She does not care about you. All that matters is that you passed the initial requirements. Use prompt statements that make her do all the talking. Tell a brief story and ask her if she has had a similar experience. If she asks you to go into further detail then do so. This means she is interested in what you are saying. The same goes for you. Always ask for more details. Women love details. Here is an example:

In my junior year of high school, I was in a talent show with all of my friends. We sang a Dru Hill song and the crowd went crazy. It is one of my favorite memories in high school. What was one of yours?

Some women are familiar with this tactic but are still susceptible to it. Invariably, these women will ask something like “Am I talking too much?”, which gives you the opportunity to say “No, not at all. You are very interesting”, even if she is not.

Practice common courtesy and chivalry. These things are a rarity and give a great impression. Open every door every time. Use “thank you” and “please” a lot.

Specific Execution

While on the date you want to make every effort to make your date more comfortable with you. For example, if you all are skating and she falls, guess what you have to do too. Not at the same time but at some point. Don’t show off unless the opportunity presents itself. Even then make it slight and seemingly innocuous. For example, I am a bartender. If the opportunity arises for me to mix drinks while on a date I will do so. I will maybe flip a bottle once to impress, but I won’t do an entire routine. Get the idea?

While out to eat, order a bottled beer. One beer only. It prompts your date to drink and lets her know that you have enough money to cover drinks at the restaurant. Getting your date to drink is always a good thing. Even if your date doesn’t drink, having a beer shows her that you are “down to earth”. Only having one shows her that you have self-control. Not ordering a fruity drink shows her that you aren’t gay.

The Closer

In keeping common courtesy and chivalry you want to ensure that she has made it home safe. If you have picked her up, this means walking her to the door. If you all met up at the location then this means walking her to her car and asking her to let you know when she has made it home. Either way, this is your opportunity to shut the fuck up. A lot of times we ruin it right at the end. Reserve your words. If you have done everything right she will either invite herself to your place or invite you into hers. Woman are not going to come right out and say they want to give you some. You have to read between the lines. Most of the time your cue comes in a statement like “ah man I had so much fun. I wish there was something else we could do”, or “so what side of town do you live on?” Make no mistake, if a woman is asking about where you live at the end of a date then she is trying to calculate how much time she needs to make it to work in the morning from your place. When that statement is made, use your words carefully. The best response to “something else to do” is “Hmmm I don’t know. What did you have in mind?”. The best response to “Where do you live” is “not far from here”, even if it’s a complete lie. By saying “not far from here” you are not giving her an actual location. In fact, by saying “not far from here” you are accepting her invite. Once you get past the door [either her’s or yours] you are on your own, but the same rule applies. SHUT THE FUCK UP and enjoy yourself. I will elaborate on the finer points of “closing the deal” in a later post. Peace…

© Stephen R. Freshley and wordbending, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this
material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner are strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephen R. Freshley and Word Bending a secret but not so secret blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

6 thoughts on “How to Get Laid on the First Date

  1. interesting….. your outline is fair but im not sure how effective it can be for the “average” woman. I mean, if the woman wants some and had to decide if you would be her partner or not, then you’ve got it in the bag; otherwise, im thinking its going to take a bit more than that. i did smile though because what you described would be the “perfect date” lol


  2. May I simply say what a comfort to discover somebody who actually understands what
    they’re discussing over the internet. You actually understand how to bring an issue to light and make it
    important. More people must check this out and understand
    this side of the story. I was surprised that you are not more popular given that you definitely have the gift.


  3. Hello! I’ve been reading your website for a long time now
    and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you
    a shout out from Humble Texas! Just wanted to tell you keep up the great job!


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