Fellas, it is a well-known fact that we are inept when it comes to catching our ladies doing dirt. So, I took it upon myself to combine my experiences and theories into a concise guide on catching the best of the best in the game…women. Here are a few things I picked up with my third eye. If you have anything that you can add please feel free.

There are a few things that you have to know and understand about women before you can even think about catching one cheating. One of those things is that women are fantastic liars. They practice lying all the time. They could lie in their sleep if they had to. Women are good at lying because they are thinkers and masters at making the irrational seem rational or believable. Us men folk, on the other hand, have the need to be rational therefore our lies take longer to think up and we aren’t as good at lying on the fly. However, when we are smart enough to plan ahead, we have the most airtight lies. The second thing you need to know about women is that they have sexual control over us. Whether you would like to admit it or not, women can make you completely forget what questions you have/had or what you planned to call them on. It’s in their jeans…yes, jeans, not genes. When trying to catch her cheating you have to make a conscious effort to separate your investigations from you all sexual habits [In other words don’t dismiss probable cause because you got in them draws]. Lastly, women have great “lie support systems”. A woman’s friend [especially the gay ones] will go to bat for her in a heartbeat if the situation calls. They also have practiced excuses and explanations, or call and response scenarios [fellas, we don’t think far enough ahead to get this type of thing going]. Rarely, does a situation call for a friend to “testify” but when it does they are ready.

These three points are our areas of attack and are the staple in woman’s cheating abilities. If we know what to look for in their lies and behavior, then we have begun to break down the fortress that is a woman’s cheat. Here are a few identifiable behaviors for when a woman is doing dirt:

Deflection/ Distraction

Deflection is when a conversation, argument, or discussion is constantly turned away from the facts or the party in question. Most often this is when the statements “you should have known”, “I felt”, or “…my feelings…” come into play. Not discrediting women’s feelings, but her feelings and/or what you “should have known” about a situation or person in question have nothing to do with the facts. If you have a fact that cannot be disproven then stick with your fact. Deflection is also when a woman distracts you from the line of questioning or putting pieces together. Here are some common deflection tactics:

    • Unusual sexual behavior– if you can only get your lady to do that one freaky thing you like on your birthday and special holidays but suddenly she does it, out of nowhere, then this could possibly be deflection. Alternatively, Some women are very particular about sleeping with more than one guy at a time, so if your girl is usually down for whatever and now only wants the basics, this can be a distraction. Usually, men end up thinking they did something wrong to cause the occurrence.
    • Unwarranted “man treatment”– if you have been trying to get your girl to press your shirt for you, or get you a beer while you watch the game, or let you get out with the boys more often, and all of a sudden she does it, then this might be a distraction technique.
    • Emotional outbreaks- this is one of women’s favorite distraction techniques. So often men dismiss this distraction because it can be attributed to pregnancy or menstruation. Nay! Many a brother has fallen fool to this play. Look for statements like “I don’t know what I was thinking baby…I was just upset” or “I don’t really remember… I was blind with insert emotion; [example: rage, or hurt].

“The Look”

How many times have you seen women have entire conversations with only pieces of words, indecipherable acronyms, and body language? Well, don’t feel bad fellas. Men don’t talk to each enough or in enough detail to be able to communicate on this level. Surprisingly, this is not what you are really looking for. It is the “when” that you are looking for in this case. For example; let’s say you are at lunch with your girl and some of her friends and they began to chat about a “particularly fun” event. If they can openly talk about this event then you are good. However, if there is a momentary break or unusual pause of some sort in the conversation then you have a problem. Usually, before these breaks in conversation, there will be a look, a kick, a key phrase or word that lets the gabbing party know to cut it short. Example:

Jabber number one: Yea girl I remember that night, we had a damn blast. Oh…remember when Keith…(the look/ a kick/ “don’t even bring that up girl”).

Fellas, if you find yourself in this situation, you have to take the opportunity to exploit this break in the system. Ask as many questions as you can about the situation. One of her gabbing friends is bound to slip up and give some piece of information that you weren’t supposed to know. Mentally notate as much as you can so that you can put the pieces together later.

Missing Proof

This is where common sense kicks in. Some things you just have to put together. Say for instance your lady claims she went out to eat with her female friend [home girl, “bestie”, etc] and can’t produce a receipt for her meal. Nine times out of ten when females go out to eat together they go “Dutch”. So if your lady is eating out a lot but not paying for her own meals, chances are she is going out with a dude instead of her female friend.The same rule applies for movie tickets, bowling, and most other outings. Parking is another great “missing proof”. When you live in a city like New York, Atlanta, or Charlotte [especially in the downtown areas] parking is not free. Look for or casually ask for the parking receipt. Other things you want to keep an eye out for are things like evidence of working late. Usually, women are very proud of their hard work so if they spend lots of time and effort on something, you should eventually see it, she will offer to show it to you, or tell you about it in detail. Look for working papers around the house or in the home office. I don’t usually recommend violating privacy but if you must know, look through her bags for the “thing” she has been staying late to work on or evidence of it. Lastly look for unusual behavior. I hate to keep reiterating this point but this is something we as guys miss a lot. If your lady usually comes home with a million stories from her outing then expect that. If you begin to encounter situations where she has few words for or about an outing, this is unusual behavior and a tell-tale sign that she was not where she says she was.


A lot of times women know what or how to say something to their man to make them disinterested. Let’s say your lady says she is going out to buy tampons, and two hours later she only comes back with a latte. As guys, we miss these situations because we zoned out at tampons. Or we were so happy to get her out of the house for a few minutes that we didn’t care where she said she was going. The same rules apply to things like shopping, girl chat, and hair. There is no need to be a super sleuth on this point, just don’t let it fly by all Willy Nilly either. Take some interest in where she says she is going or you will be like these guys…

Up last are the warning signs of cheating. Much like lipstick on a man’s lapel, women have their own tell-tale signs:

  1. An unusual smell or a male’s scent. Hugging only transfers some scent for limited periods of time. If you can smell a man on your lady without trying, then they shared way more than a hug.
  2. Missing underwear. If you have a favorite pair of panties that you know your lady wears every so often and they go missing, you might have a problem.
  3. Missing condoms. It is a little-known fact that most sexually active females have a secret stash of emergency condoms. Don’t bother looking for it, but if you happen upon it count them and check back after a few weeks. Again, I must reiterate do not go looking for her secret stash. You will get caught, or she will notice.
  4. Inexplicable happiness is the most missed sign of infidelity. If you didn’t put that smile on her face, and nothing out of the ordinary did either…then someone else is probably the cause of that smile.

Now that we have all this information, we have to process it. Sometimes you are going to see combinations of these occurrences and behaviors. Other times it will be just one. The important thing is that you prove it and don’t dismiss it once you recognize a sign or pattern. Develop multiple theories. When one theory begins to turn south, file it away and continue working other angles. Don’t push for proof but put it together when you get it. If all of your theories go south, there is a chance that you could just be a jealous boyfriend. If that is the case, check yourself soon or it is highly likely that you will see signs very soon. The only way to be 100% sure that your girl is cheating is to hire a private investigator or call “Cheaters” and hope they pick your sad story, but who has time for that? If and/or when you find out your girl is cheating you are either going to suck it up and stay or move on. If you are going to stay don’t show your hand. Don’t let her know what you know. Just play along cool. If you are going to kick her to the curb…set that ass up for embarrassment so that you can feel good about yourself. Let me know what happens…

© Stephen R. Freshley and wordbending, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner are strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Stephen R. Freshley and Word Bending a secret but not so secret blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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